Reflections at Mugshots

I'm sitting in a coffee shop. Mugshots. It's new. The few paintings add interruptions of color to the otherwise white walls. Homework is done, so I have a short time of freedom--the calm before the storm. It's given me some time to reflect on my time here at Rivendell. I don't have my journal with me--just readings this time--so I decided I should update life.

I've been here for almost three months now and it's felt like home since week three. My classmates and other students are wonderful, in all their diversity. Our professor and mentor are both incredible. Honestly, all the faculty are geniuses. The readings and discussions are what I've been looking for my whole life. Our dorm, though it be small, is cozy. The "senior" class, R7, is leaving in less than two weeks and I'm already missing them. (You'll visit, right?)

But the sun is finally shining, the snow is gone, and my heart is happy. I feel like doing cartwheels in the courtyard, singing the whole while. (But I probably won't, because people would see me.)

I have seen and felt myself grow so much in these whiplash weeks, both spiritually and mentally. I wrote coming to Rivendell is like having a giant mirror shoved into your face, blaring all your faults and shortcomings, but at the same time encouraging you to overcome. In the words of Aslan, "Courage, dear heart." Don't give up on improving. Strive to be like me. Learn passionately. Love unconditionally. Live fully, and laugh freely. Serve selflessly your God and fellow man. As many R7 students have told me, "Give it your all. Strive for excellence, even when it's hard."  Have Courage, and Be Kind.

I may update again, I may not. We'll see how life goes. Homework is ramping up, and so are all the extracurricular events.

But that's where I am.

I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

According to my blog, I'm still in Africa. Which isn't true, haha, since I got back around the beginning of August. And I tried to upload pictures to my blog, but there were 300 of them and blogger uploaded them all out of order and I just got so overwhelmed with the thought of reorganizing them that my desire to do so died.
BUT.
HOPE.
I finally put all of them on flickr, and you can see all ~1200 of them at this link:
Mozambique 2014
For some reason, they're in reverse order. Sorry 'bout that. But it's better than completely random, right?
Anyway, I have a few ideas in the works for new posts, and I'm working on getting a new, strictly-photography blog up and running. Those will be unveiled in the near future (hopefully).

In the meantime, life update:
I DECIDED WHERE I'M GOING TO COLLEGE.
If everything works out as planned, I'll graduate from high school at the beginning of January, and about a month later, I'll be in Minnesota at Rivendell Sanctuary. So that's exciting. Maybe some posts about that will be forthcoming.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Africa update #2

WE ARE IN AFRICAAAAA

The flight was about 15 hours from Atlanta to Johannesburg. It was long. And pretty dark. But I discovered the sun over the ocean and clouds looks pretty fab from a plane. :) all connections were smooth and we got through the Johannesburg airport without a problem. Praise Jesus.

Four hour bus ride to Christ Church in Polokwane, then bed. Church tomorrow, and on to Mozambique early Monday morning, I believe. :D

**Edit: after a frigid bus ride, we are now unloaded safely at the seminary in polokwane!  

Prayer requests: restful sleep, safe travel, unity as a team, willingness to obey the Holy Spirit's promptings.

Africa Update #1

Well this is exciting!

It's currently 1:48am. I'm laying in a bed in a Dallas hotel, unable to sleep. The insomnia has started early, I guess. Wheeee. But...yay for late night thoughts? Sorry if this is a bit convoluted and dhakdhkwahd, I figured I might as well do something with my sleepless time. So here goes.

We left San Angelo near 12:30 or so. The drive up was very wet, but smooth and accident-free, so praise Jesus for that. :) We ate supper at Pappasito's Cantina before heading on to our hotel. A quickish breakfast tomorrow, then arrive at the airport around 10:15. Check in, go through security, all that fun stuff, before our flight leaves at 1:15.

I guess that's all for now...Thanks everyone for your support and prayers! I'll try to update as often as possible. :)

Prayer requests: safe flights, smooth connections, patience and sleep on the flight.

Thinking of Africa--"De Confidentia"

On July 18th, I will be flying to Africa with a PaulAnn team to do mission work in Mozambique, Africa, for about two weeks. 

To be totally honest, this was never the plan I had for my life. I grew up with stories of missionaries like Eric Liddell, David Livingstone, and Jim Elliot. (If you’ve ever seen the movie The End of the Spear, you know who Jim Elliot is—the guy who was killed by the tribe he went to preach the Gospel to. Not exactly my cup of tea.) As a guy who has always looked forward to being a husband and father and grandfather, with a nice life in the city surrounded by books and plumbing, the possibility of going to a foreign country and possibly dying doesn’t sound so great. So a few months ago, when I felt the Lord calling me to Africa—and potentially to a future there—needless to say I was just a bit shocked. (And more than a little scared.)

During one of the mission team meetings a few weeks ago, I mentioned to the group my fears and anxiety about the trip. Camping has never been my thing, I don’t sleep well in a tent, this is my first time overseas, public speaking has always been difficult for me, I’ve never shared my testimony before, a lion assassin could sneak into my tent and eat me—you know, the usual. It was at this point that a few trip veterans shared with me these two short but important reminders:

1) The safest place in the world is in the center of God’s will, and

2) It isn’t our job to convince others of the Gospel.

These were things I had heard maybe in passing before, but never really thought much about. So let’s do a little digging, and explore where they come from and what exactly they mean.

The Safest Place

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, ESV)

I’m sure most of you have heard this verse before. It’s probably one of the most-referenced verses in the Bible, often meant as an encouraging catchphrase in rough circumstances or particularly difficult times of life. But really, was it “good” for Jim Elliot to die? Was it “good” for for Stephen to be stoned, or for Peter to be crucified upside down? 

I think the context of this verse gives us some clues to what “good” here might mean. Verses 18-30 are all about “Present Suffering and Future Glory,” as the subheading in my Bible says. I don’t think Paul is saying that everything will be hunky-dory and pleasant for those who love God. He isn’t preaching a prosperity gospel. Rather, he is talking about the future good for Christians—eternal life in the presence of our God, King, and Father. On this earth, we’re told to expect persecution (John 15:19-21). But through these trials, we are being molded into a closer image of Christ, refined like gold in a fire. Our sanctification will ultimately be completed when we meet Him in the clouds. 

But maybe that’s not exactly encouraging. I mean, those people still died, leaving their loved ones behind, and maybe I don’t feel ready for that yet. Stonewall Jackson, Confederate general and devout Christian, once said, “My religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death.” We serve an omniscient, all-knowing God. He knows when we are going to die, and that isn’t something we—or the powers of this world—can change. I don’t have to worry about bloodthirsty lions or rogue elephants or border guards with machine guns because my Daddy is protecting me. My time isn’t done until He says it’s done. Yes, it might get rough, and it might get dirty, but through it all I can run with perseverance for the joy set before me: the joy of knowing Christ.

It Ain’t Your Job

Whenever I felt the Lord putting it on my heart to go share the Gospel with someone, I always struggled with thoughts like, “What if I get tongue tied? I’m an idiot.” “My testimony is so lame, I mean I wasn’t exactly addicted to crack at the unregenerate young age of four.” “What if I can’t answer all their questions? I’ll look stupid.” And so on and so forth, until the opportunity passes and I feel like a failure. Wash, rinse, repeat.

 But you know what? Ultimately, it isn’t up to me to convince others that the Gospel is true. It isn’t my responsibility to speak clearly, or to use all the right words and the most watertight arguments. I can no more make someone believe in Jesus than I can control the weather. As Paul told the Corinthians, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” (1 Corinthians 3:6) It is the Holy Spirit who changes hearts and brings life. Our only responsibility is to plant the seed, to follow the Great Commission lined out in Matthew 28. The Lord tells us in Isaiah 55:11 that his word won’t return empty, but will accomplish the purpose He sent it out for. And in preaching the Gospel, we are acting as the mouth of God, and the Lord will be faithful to that. You may not see the fruit, but that’s okay. Some bamboo trees don’t even grow visibly for four years, and then they grow ninety feet in a few months. People can be the same way. Always remember, the power is in the proclamation, not the proclaimer.

God is faithful. He always fulfills his promises. He provides for his children, and he persuades the staunchest hearts. And therefore, we can be very bold. 

Minnesota

Heeeeeey! So what's been happing in my life lately...well, lessee hur.

Last April, I had the wonderful opportunity to visit my big brother, Ethan, at college in Minnesota. I had a blast hanging out with him and his friends. It was my first time flying alone, so that was an adventure. Aaaand, while I was there, one of my best friends from my online school actually drove over from Illinois with her family and we hung out at the Mall of America all day. It was brilliant.

>> TEAVANA. <<

The Mall of America's LEGO store. What. 

THE MALL HAD ROLLERCOASTERS. INSIDE.

left to right: me, my frand Hannah, her brother Noah, and Ethan. (sidenote: also in april, I lost my braces and an inch or two of hair. So I look a bit different now.)

On Sunday, before I left, Ethan took me to this burger place that had nutella milkshakes.
NUTELLA. MILKSHAKES. Yeah they were heaven.

((Coming next: the End of the Year Gathering. WHAAAAAT.))

on Dreams

...wow.

So sorry, everyone! Things have been a bit quiet around here. End of school+final exams+thirty page theses+summer break+camps really took over my life a bit there. So here's a quick little essay on dreams I wrote for on of my omnibus final exams. It's rather rough, as I haven't edited it, but hopefully it's ok. Something to freshen up the blob. New posts hopefully coming soon. :)

______________________

  German psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud first published The Interpretation of Dreams in 1899. The main premise of his work is that dreams are far from meaningless; rather, “The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowledge of the unconscious activities of the mind.” In the view of the more modern intellectual community, however, dreams simply arise from physiological causes and are consequently meaningless. But despite what progressivism says about the idea of “newer therefore better,” Freud was actually closer to the truth than these modern intellectuals. Dreams have a twofold purpose: one, to reveal things about ourselves, and two, to reveal things about God and his will for our lives. 

  In the first place, dreams are useful for self-examination. In The Interpretation of Dreams, Freud says, “It is only after seeing a man as his unconscious, revealed by his dreams, presented to us that we shall understand him fully.” Freud believed that when a man was sleeping, his natural defenses were lowered and his true nature could be more readily discerned. And while it is true that some dreams are nonsense, plain and simple, oftentimes dreams (especially recurring ones) give us glimpses into ourselves. For example, between the ages of eight and eleven, I had a recurring dream in which I was at a playground fighting some other children around my age. The twist here was that, instead of pretend weapons, we had lightsabers and knives. The dream ended when I dueled one of the kids and got decapitated. Every time, without fail, I lost my head. At first glance, this seems like one of those nonsensical dreams. But, after examining it, I discovered what caused it. The day before I had the dream for the first time, I was at a playground with a group of other homeschooled children and we got into a water fight. My mom was not very happy with this, and pulled me aside and scolded me about it. Comparing these two situations made me realize how much I abhor being rebuked. I hate it so much, in fact, that it was comparable in my eight-year-old mind to being decapitated. My dream showed that I desire the approval of others, especially those in authority. Freud was quite right when he said that dreams are “simply and undisguisedly realizations of wishes.”

  Secondly, dreams are a vehicle through which God speaks to humans. The Bible is full of stories in which a man receives a dream predicting the future. As the book of Job says:

For God speaks in one way,

and in two, though man does not perceive it.

In a dream, in a vision of the night, 

when deep sleep falls on men, 

while they slumber in their beds,

then he opens the ears of men 

and terrifies them with warnings, 

that he may turn man aside from his deed

and conceal pride from a man;

he keeps back his soul from the pit, 

his life from perishing by the sword. (Job 33:14-18)

These dreams are not limited to believers, either. King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon received two prophetic dreams in Daniel 2 and 4, respectively. The second dream, in particular, was a warning to Nebuchadnezzar that he was going to lose his kingdom and be driven out from mankind, and it was the fulfillment of this dream that ultimately brought Nebuchadnezzar to God. Also, in the New Testament, Paul dreams of a Macedonian man begging him to come to his people and share the Gospel. Paul’s obedience to this dream brought the Gospel to Europe, and from there (arguably) to the ends of the earth. 

  One of the deuteragonists of C.S. Lewis’ conclusion to his Space Trilogy, That Hideous Strength, is a woman who receives prophetic dreams: Jane Studdock. Over the course of the novel, realizes that she has been given the “gift” of clairvoyance, and that this gift came from Maleldil, or God. Her dreams help those at Logres overcome N.I.C.E. Nowadays, while it is uncommon for people to receive prophetic dreams, God does nevertheless still speak to people through them. In fact, God uses dreams to call Christians to ministry, much like he did with Paul.

  

  Far from meaningless products of physiological stimulation, dreams are mirrors into the human psyche and windows into the will of God. They should not be ignored. In the words of Hamlet,

                                                                "To die, to sleep,

                                      To sleep, perchance to Dream; Aye, there's the rub,

                                     For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,

                                           When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

                                                               Must give us pause."